Today I was scheduled for my monthly Zometa infusion.  This one only takes 20 minutes, so mentally I was prepared for about a 1 hour visit.  WRONG!  They test my blood prior to the treatment and it took 2 hours to get the results.  But, I made the best of my time by talking with some really nice people who were sitting in the chairs on either side of me.  So it wasn't the most convenient visit, but not too bad.

 

I got home around 3 and inhaled a sandwich - my first food of the day.  The temps are a little chilly today so I made some gingerbread cake.  Waiting for it to finish baking and then I'll munch a piece (or 2 or 3!).  I made half a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies the other day and they almost lasted 24 hours!  Just couldn't help myself.

Much better day today.  Went to the gym and did a tougher than normal workout.  Felt good to sweat.  Then came home, ate lunch and watched a movie.  Next on the to do list was cleaning the apartment.  It's not that big but it still takes me about 2 hrs.  I saw one of my neighbors walking her dog so I popped out to the front porch to introduce myself.  Then a dog walk.  A good day!  Also got word that settlement went off without a hitch and my house of 20 years now belongs to someone else.  Next chapter!

Talked with my GI nurse today and described yesterday's symptoms.  If it happens again, I'll have to go in for another ERCP.  So much for an easy procedure.  I thought the last one was the easiest one yet.  I may change my mind soon.

 

Treatment visit was ok.  I had to wait about 90 minutes before they hung my drug, and then it was another 90 minutes of treatment.  So an appointment that I thought would take 2 hours actually took closer to 4 hours.  The infusion nurse asked me if I considered getting a port.  She looked me in the eyes and said, "you really don't have much to work with".  Meaning I didn't have much in the way of veins.  I tried to explain that when I leave the clinic I don't like to have any evidence of treatment.  Have a feeling we'll be revisiting that issue again.

Woke up to pain in my upper abdomen (pancreas and liver area).  At times it hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes.  Took more pain medication today than I ever have and all it did was take the edge off.  And the itchiness has started.  Both of these are symptoms of jaundice.  Not unusual symptoms for me - but very disappointing that they are starting in just one week after my last stent replacement.  I'll have to call the GI doc tomorrow to let him know what's going on.

 

Also have an appointment at the clinic for treatment - 90 minutes of drip, drip, drip.  This time I think I'll bring lunch.

I've been struggling mentally the last few days.  It's been tough to even get out of bed in the morning because I don't feel like I have anything I have to do - or look forward to.  Finally forced myself to take the dogs out for a walk.  It's a beautiful day - mid 50's, clear skies, and light winds.  I knew that if I took the dogs out for a walk it would help to jump start my attitude.  It worked - a little.  When I got home I changed into cycling clothes and went out for a 30 min ride.  Not much - and it wasn't easy.  I haven't been riding regularly.  But, this is the fastest I ever got back on the bike post procedure - so I guess that's a good thing.

 

I haven't made any meaningful connections here and it's starting to feel very lonely.  It seems like the more time that goes by the more I hole myself up in the apartment.  Not sure of the best way to break out of this funk.  So in the meantime I'm putting one foot in front of the other and not much more.

Friday I went to a new hospital for my eighth ERCP.  I was feeling pretty down.  Al had to go back to work and I had to fly solo.  I knew I would be ok, but was just feeling vulnerable.  Met with anesthesia guy and he starts his "we'll take good care of you" speech and I had to interupt him.  I said I've had this procedure multiple times and each time they say they are going to make me comfortable and each time I end of waking up writhing in pain.  I feel myself getting upset and the tears start flowing.  He pretends he doesn't see them and assures me that they will start pain killers and anti-nausea drugs before I wake up.  After he walked away I shook off the tears and got mad at myself for being so whiney.  Take a few deep breaths.....  Time for them to wheel me to the procedure room.  He gives me a shot into the IV and says it's an anti nausea drug.  Well there must be something else in it because I can feel myself relaxing.  The staff in the procedure room goes about their business to get me ready to go.  Shot number two goes in the IV.  He said that this one should help me relax too.....ZONK  I was out in no time.

 

I woke up in recovery to a new sensation - nothing!  No pain!  No nausea!  Yeay new doc!  They wheel me to my room and Al accompanies me.  It was nice to be with him and we were both relieved that things went so smoothly.  I had some pain later that night and they were able to give me something to help (dilaudid).  That stuff starts working within about 15 seconds - good stuff.  I didn't sleep much that night and don't usually sleep well in the hospital.  I was discharged the next morning.

 

Strangely I'm feeling pretty down today.  I'm sure the move is part of that.  I miss having friends around me and haven't cultivated any new ones here yet.

Al and I sat in the living room, relaxing and watching the Phillies game.  I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel horrible either.  I had managed to go to the gym and make dinner but that was about it - with a big nap thrown in between.  It was kind of weird when we were on the sofa.  I didn't quite feel with it and flashed back to those last few months that mom was with us.  I remembered dad doing everything he could to make her comfortable - not an easy job because she didn't ask for much (sound familiar?)  And I just got to thinking, will I know when I am headed down that road?  Will it be obvious?  Or will it just be a series of getting sick, and recovering?  I hate the idea of putting Al in that caretaker roll.  He's done great so far, but it will get much tougher at some point.  A friend suggested I develop a relationship with a local visiting nurse group.  I may not need them right now but it would make things easier to get started if they already have some background on me.

Back when i was first diagnosed I looked at things differently and suddenly felt huge losses.  One day while we were at the mall we saw a little old couple slowly walking hand in hand.  I got so pissed!  I was angry that stage of life was taken away from me.  At the time I tought I would only live a few more years.

 

Well today we went to the DMV to start the process of getting our driver's licenses and registration changed to OH.  As we sat there we were surrounded by several other older couples - all patiently waiting.  I remembered back to that day at the mall.  Maybe I won't ever get to be a "little old lady" but Al and I will have plenty of memories along the way.  I was grateful to spend the time with him - even on such a mundane task - because it meant that we were hanging out together.

Fever and chills continued Tuesday night and restarted with a vengeance Wednesday night.  Starts with chills so bad that I can't stop shaking.  I get under the covers, pile on as many blankets and I can find and put the portable heater on high.  After 3-4 hours the chills convert to a melting fever.  Got up over 103 this time.  Went to the ER Thursday morning and they gave me fluids and a script for cipro.  Followed up with my oncologist the next day.  She asked if I made an appointment with my new GI doc yet.  I sheepishly say "no".  She gives me a heavy sigh and said that she can't fix the problem and offers to set the appointment.  GI appt set for Monday am - thank you doc!  When I feel lousy I become a pitiful advocate for myself.

 

Met with GI doc today.  While he is not as personable as my doc at Hershey, I was impressed with his knowledge.  We were able to schedule the next ERCP for Friday morning.  I should be home from the hospital by the end of the weekend.

Yesterday was my first day at the new clinic.  I was thinking about riding there, but just didn't feel too confident in finding a safe route.  It's only 5 miles away, but some sections are pretty congested.

I met with the oncologist first.  Very easy and routine visit.  She is going to see me every 6 weeks since I've been so stable.  In the past I saw the doc every 3 weeks and it felt like a bit of a waste.  Then on to the treatment room for Herceptin and Zometa.  Good news is that the nurse got the IV placed on the first try!  Bad news is that they run Herceptin for 90 minutes, where at Hershey they do it in 30.  I was hoping the whole visit would have gone a bit smoother, but I think they had to do some extra administrative stuff to get me in their system.  I was hoping for about a 2 hour visit, and it ended up being closer to 5.  I think it will go easier next time.  She will do a CT and Muga scan next month to make sure everything is behaving.

Also talked with my old GI PA today.  Betsy is just fabulous.  So helpful and encouraging.  She is going to fax my GI records to the doc here.  I'll call the local GI doc later this week to schedule a consult and ERCP.  My old GI doc and a chance to talk on the phone with my new doc and was very impressed with his credentials and training.  He thinks I'll be in great hands.  I hope so!

We are on a quest to find a good church in this area.  And the one we visited this morning was not it.  Wish there were an easier way to find one that's the right fit.  But I think the only way is going to be by visiting on Sunday.

 

We went out for a nice ride today.  This time I picked the route.  It started easy with some long flats and smooth road.  There was one section though that was a lung buster.  Sections of the climb were around a 15% grade.  Can you still hear me gasping?

 

Relaxed for a bit at home.  Fixed us a yummy lunch before Al headed off to work.  I used the sauce from a brisket I braised earlier in the week.  It consisted of tomatoes, celery, garlic, carrots and onion.  I simmered the leftover sauce with some Italian sausage and served it over pasta.  Very good after the ride.

 

Dogs and I went to the dog park.  The place is huge and at one time there must have been about 25 dogs there.  I've never seem the two of them run so much.  Preda thinks she's such a tough girl.  She tried mixing it up with some of the bigger dogs.  She seems to know enough to stay just out of reach and then waits for the opportune moment to lunge in and give a nip.  She loves chasing other dogs.  There were two whippets who thought they were pretty speedy.  Preda chased them down and then tripped them up.  One of the whippets was mostly white and that poor girl went home covered in grass stains thanks to Preda.  Augie made all kinds of friends - both human and canine.  He's such a lovable and gentle boy.  I was proud of both of them - they played hard and behaved well.

 

I finsihed off the day the best way ever...hot chocolate by the fire.  Great day.

Everyone back home knew about my health situation and I was very open with what was going on.   But I'm not sure how I want to handle things here.  It's kind of nice to talk to new people and be "normal".  I like that we talk about "normal" stuff - where's a good bike route, have you visited a great restaurant, etc.  I like keeping the cancer stuff under wraps for now.  I hate the look on a person's face when they first hear about it.  "Oh, that's terrible, I'm sorry.....",   I hear it over and over again.  It would be so much better if someone just said "oh that sucks!", and then moved on with the conversation.   So for now, I'm not going to be cancer girl.

The bikes have arrived!!!  Yeahhhh!  I picked up both my bikes from the local bike shop yesterday.  I had them shipped out by my old local bike shop in PA.  Sure didn't want them packed with everything else on the moving truck.

Al and I went out on our maiden voyage yesterday.  Well, first ride for me, Al has already gone out a few times.  We did a short loop right from our house.  Traffic was a little heavy and that took some of the fun away.  We probably should have gone out an hour or two earlier to miss most of the traffice.  Lesson learned.  I expected this area to be pretty flat.  Everyone in PA said so!  Guess what - it's NOT!  We did one road called Spook Rd. that had some pretty good climbs and I was huffing and puffinig my way up.  It was either pretty tough or I'm out of shape - or maybe a little bit of both!  I was spent by the time we got back home, but in a good way.

I've been having fun cooking in my new kitchen.

 

Sunday:  brisket braised in a sauce of crushed tomatoes, garlic, and onion served with mashed potatoes

Monday:  chicken with dill dumplings

Tuesday am:  hash made with leftover brisket, potatoes, apples, onion and red pepper

 

I used recipes out of the current issue of Gourmet Magazine.  Unfortunately the magazine is being cancelled due to not enough advertisers.  Where will I get my inspiration?

Fun day today.  Started with a repeat visit to the dog park.  Next stop was the library to get a lending card.  Last stop was LAFitness where I got a membership and did a light workout.  Then home and made a yummy dinner - chicken and dumplings!

I am scheduled for my next ERCP mid November, the last one was Sept 2.  I usually get this done every 10-12 weeks.  This is the procedure where they replace the stents in my bile ducts.  Sometimes I get sick if the bile ducts are not draining properly and get infected. It starts with fever and chills and gets uglier from there.  Last night and this morning it started.  Bone chilling cold followed by sweaty fever - sounds fun right?  I'm actually hoping it's just some kind of bug (not the oink oink kind).  Thankfully my temperature fell back to normal earlier today and I've felt fine since then.

Went out for a few more errands today.  First stop was the recycling center.  We have a ton of flattened boxes and packing paper to get ride of plus the standard bottles and cans.  I went to the drop off center but only saw one bin.  Apparently everything goes in the same bin and is sorted later.  Doesn't get much easier than that.   Next stop was the library.  It was really busy when I got there and the parking lot was almost full.  Looks like some kids had a birthday party there - how cool is that.  I think the overly commercial/expensive kids parties seem to send the wrong message.  Also noticed that the library has a drive up book return.  Can't make it much easier than that.  And did I mention both of theses places were about 5 minutes from home?

Had a quiet day today and didn't feel like unpacking any more boxes.  It was time to finally visit one of the local dog parks.  There are a bunch within driving distance and I decided to go to the closest one today.  It is a "seasonal" dog park and I wasn't sure what time of year was dog park season.  I got lost going there, pulled out my map book and got back on track.  It's only about 5 miles from the apartment.  When we arrived I saw signs that it was closed.  It's located at a township park so we walked around to see what it looked like.  There were some nice walking trails and we headed out.  The dog park itself is a nice size and was closed due to muddy conditions.  Guess they didn't want the wreck the turf by having continual foot traffic.  We took a look from outside the fence and it looked fine.  I'm hoping they reopen soon so we don't have to wait until spring.

 

I still had dog park on the brain, so I drove to another one that was about 20 minutes away.  The dog area is included inside a huge park called the Voice of America Park.  There were huge parcels of undevelped areas and lots of soccer and baseball fields.  When we drove into the park the dogs started getting all excited.  How did they know what was coming.  Must be doggy ESP.  The dog park itselt is huge with three seperate fenced in areas where they rotate usage to give the turf a chance to recover.  Three dogs (and their owners) were there when we arrived.  Augie and Preda seemed a little unsure of their non-greyhound playmates.  Augie actually got a little snarly.  Very unusual for him.  My hounds spent most of the time sniffing and peeing.  Preda ran a bit with a dobie.  She's so weird when she runs with other dogs.  She'll go just fast enough to stay even with them and then tries to cut them off.  Must be competitive just like her mom.  The Dobie was running flat out and Preda was easily keeping up with her.  Augie even got in a few running spurts.

 

The more I drive around this area the more I like it.  Streets are well laid out and the landscaping is really nice.  There are tons of shopping centers and that can look ugly sometimes but they've planted all kinds of trees and shrubs and have plenty of grassy areas.  Apparently fountains are pretty popular around here too.  So a good day today!

We are getting settled in our new place.  This development is gorgeous.  Beautiful landscaping and a stand of trees surrounding our building.  What a difference from the city atmosphere we were living in.  The dogs are enjoying frequent walks.  It's a bit of a pain sometimes, but we don't have a fenced in area where we can just open the door and let them out.

Tonight we spent some time at the Cincinnati Zoo.  It was a fundraiser called Zoo Brew that was sponsored by Al's company and Samuel Adams.  Al's crew served smoked chicken wings and pulled pork and Samuel Adams gave out lots of free samples.  We were located in the manatee building.  Lots of exhibits and of course our booth had to be located next to the rattlesnakes.  Kind of creepy.  Also got to see alligators, turtles, fish, snakes, and other cool stuff.  They also broght out live animals.  I got to "pet" a baby alligator and a two toed sloth.  Pretty cool!

What happened to my lazy and relaxed days?  Don't think I'll have any of those for a while.

 

Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster.  Started out by heading up to Hershey for my last PA infusion appt.  Checked in and they took some blood.  I usually have to wait and hour or two until they are ready for me so I headed outside to enjoy the sunshine.  I noticed that I had a few voice mails so I started returning calls.  First call was the realtor - they had an offer for me and I prepared mentally for how I wanted to counter.  Then I called Al and a friend to get their advice as well.  about an hour later I was done with all my calls and headed to get something to eat.  After lunch i had a few more voice mails and text messages.  The offer was rescinded - WTF???  But I was expecting another offer later in the evening.  Movers called to confirm pack up and loading dates (Thursday nd Friday of this week) but couldn't confirm a delivery date.  It would be somewhere between Monday and Thursday of next week?  I guess I can manage, but it won"t be easy.  Then went back into the clinic for my infusion and said my goodbyes.  On the way home the movers called again to confirm schedule and I asked the driver about delivery.  He said Monday should be fine but he couldn't confirm until Thursday.

 

Realtors stopped by with another offer.  I thought it might be good news because they both were smiling.  And it was - I was happy to sign the agreement   I had hoped that I would at least have an agreement of sale before I moved!

 

Today was my last day to get organized.  Tomorrow the movers come to pack and then load the truck on Friday.